I like hotdogs.
I like this game as it is funny and has some crazy parts.
I was going to give it a 3 out of 5, but i laughed at that hotdog bit, so it got a 0.5 increase.
this is more like having a second chance at life! the girls are my favourite part. People you should all make more games like this if you want to be a game maker in the future. Make more and next time make more girls!
Aww yes. This is what I'm fuckin' talkin' about; a ZZT game I can relate to. What kind of name is ZZT, anyway? It sounds like somethin' some toilet seat lickin', plunger suckin', long-haired-hippie faggot made up on a night locked in the utility closet. But fuck that fuckin' shit, on to the review.
You play as this guy, who's supposed to be you or some shit. You do daily things, like fuckin' piss in the toilet, eat fuckin' sandwiches, get a job, that kinda shit.
`Cause it sure as hell ain't, you fags.
The kind of jobs you take are fuckin' great! My personal favorite is this one bit where you apply for a job as a preacher at the church, and you work in the confessional fags box. but then this hot little bitch walks in (she was a itty bitty smiley-face, but if you use your fuckin' mind, you can make her damned hot), and she starts babblin' about some shit, I don't remember what, I can't really read that well. But then you fuckin' fuck her in her fuckin' fuck hole! It's hot, I tell you. And if you didn't find it hot, you know what you'd be.
With the money you gain doin' shit like that, you buy food and shit, and you can even fuck some cum guzzling gutter sluts down at the ywca, which is also fuckin' hot.
So after about 8 days of straight playin', you have enough points to finish the game. And how do you finish the game? Why, you go down to this fuckin' bitch's house and you FUCK HER IN HER FUCKIN' FUCK HOLE! and it's HOT!!!!!!!
Anyway, Master Razed in Black, even though you're named after a band full of plunger suckin' fags, you can make a damn good game, so you're a bad motherfucker in my book. Let's hook up after I get off my shift some day and go find us some sluts.
Master Raze's Sim: Life provides an unflinchingly stark look into the life of a promiscuous, drug- addicted, perverse idiot. A welcome departure from Raze's usual themes of sex and death, S:L carefully explores the grimy worlds of sex and drugs.
The goal of the game is simple - you must accrue 300 "creativity points" and 300 "experience points" to marry the girl of your dreams. To gain these points, you must take up odd jobs, such as impersonating a priest and giving a supposedly funny (and very derivative) confessional, and engage in intercourse, social and otherwise, with a variety of women.
There's a catch, though. Every few seconds, you lose a bit of health due to hunger. So you also need money to pay for food; standing still for five minutes is a recipe for disaster. That's right. Sim: Life is every bit as hectic, stressful, and repetitive as real life. Talk about realism!
What money you don't spend on food you can use to buy drugs, which grant creativity points (crack: it does a body good), purchase pornographic magazines, which apparently disintegrate after a single reading, or trade in firearms. The net result of this slew of transactions is that the game boils down to a complex math problem.
"Let's see... I have 30 creativity points, so I can do some stand-up comedy and get 45 dollars, which I can use to buy a pistol to sell for a 5 dollar, 2 exp, and 2 creativity point profit. Then I can go and buy a pornographic magazine, return home, and get more experience, but oh, man. I can't buy food then. Maybe if I go to the prostitute who trades 25 money for a bit of EXP first... "
The above sort of thought sequence repeats over, and over, and over, as it takes a long, repetitive time to get 300 EXP and creativity points. You can speed the process by taking a few "errand boy" jobs, but it doesn't help much. Perhaps I'm missing some way of getting 200 creativity points in one go, but I don't see it.
What, then, is good about Sim: Life? Well, it does have a few funny moments - although one would hope for more, given that Raze doesn't pull any punches here, and it does have an interesting concept, a few nice sequences, and a decent premise. My recommendation: Play until you have 100 EXP and creativity, and you'll probably have seen the best of what there is to see.
Everybody has their 'wannabes'. Knightt has starbux, Cronos has scorch, and drac0 has 'master raze'. The first Raze game I played, whose name I cannot remember, is probably exactly what chickenwire would play like if it was mixed with teen priest, and all the elements of humour and gameplay where removed. To be fair, he has improved since then. Just not by much.
Of course, when someone of mediocre skill makes a game based on such a tired and ulitmatly pointless concept of 'live', you just know it's going to be pretty bad. And it is, but in a suprising way! This isn't really a sim life game at all. Sure, its title IS sim: life, but a more apt name would run something like 'Master raze's adventures in hitting puberty'. I can't make any real presumptions about Raze's real life, but it seems the game to be less of a fictional story and more of what raze wishes his life would be like.
When I play a sim life game, i expect it to generally resemble life in some way or another. I'm not saying it has to be exactly the same as mine, but it should be at least realistic. You know, wake up, breakfast, work (REAL work), maybe go out or stay at home and watch TV. The character should be a real person, not some 'player' who sounds like they've just been dreampt up by the writers of american pie. I want to be rejected by women. I want to lose my car keys and only realise 2 minutes before I have to leave for work. I want to take my dog to the vet. Yes, that would make a for a boring game, but life sims are MEANT to be boring and crappy, becuase LIFE is boring and crappy.
Adding pornography and drugs doesn't really do much for the game other than to further prove that raze doesn't know much about either women or narcotics. Wells has already mentioned the most tedious parts of the banal gameplay, so I won't go into that. It does have its good points. It's good some pretty good graphics, and it's Razes best game so far. The latter, of course, doesn't really say much.
Reviewed: Mar 20, 2023
Rating: out of 5.0 This user has opted out of providing a numeric rating