ZZTV 3

Released
Oct. 20, 1999
Genre
Magazine
Company
Size
85.1 KB
Boards
63 / 65
Rating
No rating

Closer Look: ZZTV 3

By: Dr. Dos
Date: Aug. 31, 2019
Page #2/5
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So that's all for DarkFLR's contributions to his own experiments. Now it's time to check out some community contributions, starting with Oof's #STD which thankfully stands for "Spoof Televised Digitally". This one sticks with the TV theme for a lot of its original content, but doesn't shy away from playable ZZT previews rather than just ads for upcoming releases.

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First off is ZZT Cooking! This will very quickly get you onboard with ditching the theme and just working on creating things for a channel as it takes as basic of a concept as "reviews of ZZT games" and turns it into a "cooking" show that offers basically nothing. Strangely, it uses the cheat menu to set a flag to activate the object rather than just touching something, but whatever.

info
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •
WELCOME TO ZZT COOKING!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Itza me! Papa Luigi! Iffa you be a notice
mya hat! You will probableya notice that
that bea the stereotypical ARABIAN hat!
You are quite wrong for assuming this!
This bea thee CHEF's Hat! Meesa chef hat!
You getta this from adding 1 part Good
Ideas.. and the other part being dat
bad drawing abilities! Ho ho ho!

That is whatta this show is all abouta!
Mixing things together... and seeing what
it is that wessa come up with! You will
also notice that messa... am a sterotype
as well! Mama Meea! I am the sterotypical
Italian Chef! More meatballz for you?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •

OH BOY.

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Ringworm presents a small menu of genres to offer a game recommendation based on your tastes, so I guess it's not quite a traditional review in that you don't know what game is going to show up, but there are only five games and it's not like it's some in depth quiz to figure out what you'd enjoy, so functionally it's just going down the list and seeing what the games are.

Interaction
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •
Action Special of the Day
-----------------------
LEBENSRAUM

Lebensraum is a sophisticated hor devoure
that originated in England but has swam
the 7 seas in with it's fantasic flavor
as it's only navigator!

Lebensraum is great for serving at parties
as an appetizer, you can eat as much of it
as you want and yet it never loses it's
delicious flavor and never depletes your
hunger for more!

HOW TO MAKE LEBENSRAUM!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
INGREDIANTS: 2 cups of Action. 1 cup WOLF
3D. 30 ML of PROGRAMMING. 2 tablespoons of
REPLAY VALUE and 1 can of AI.

Step 1 - Mix the Zzt Action with the great
Wolfenstein 3D plot.

Step 2 - Heat this up with the great
ZENITH spices found on your spice rack.

Step 3 - Stir in some excellent AI and
ORIGINAL DESIGN/PROGRAMMING.

Step 4 - Cook for a month or so and serve
hot!
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •

These metaphors are wild. 30 ML of PROGRAMMING. 2 tablespoons of REPLAY VALUE. Honestly it doesn't do a very good job of promoting the game because of how generic all the "ingredients" are. Lebensraum was an early hit by Zenith Nadir that tried to turn id's Wolfenstein 3D into a ZZT game. It's one I definitely need to cover at some point, as it's one of the definitive ZZT action games, especially when it was new.

Interaction
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •
Rpg Special of The Day
--------
FLAME FROST BLADE DEMO

Flame Frost Blade Demo was invented by
the great Flatcoat_Lab many years ago in
the United States. Taking bits and pieces
from other premade dishes... he created
a mouth watering masterpiece!

Flame Frost Blade is an elegant dish, it
is to be served as a main course for large
feasts and special occasions. This is a
difficult dish to make... so make sure
you make it right the first time!

HOW TO MAKE FLAME FROST BLADE
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
INGREDIANTS: 10 COLOR CHOPS, ONE GLASS OF
MYSTERY, 1/2 CUP OF RPG CHIPS, RANDOM
VARIETY OF RICH SPICES AND DETAIL.

Step 1 - Boil Mystery to Epic Heat.

Step 2 - Once hype is bubbling, throw in
your RPG CHIPS and the COLOR chops.

Step 3 - Wait until cooked to perfection,
adorn with spices and serve.
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •

And now you know absolutely nothing about Flame Frost Blade, a fantasy adventure that I can recall being pretty hyped in the community of this era. Like most ZZT demos it never got completed, but Ringworm's recipe tells you nothing of note other than "it's an RPG".

Interaction
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •
Puzzle Special of The Day
-------
Zem! 2

Zem! 2 is a perfected recipe of the tasty
dessert Zem!. This recipe isn't easy to
prepare and it may take a couple of trys
before you get it right. I promise you,
the end result is worth all your work!

Related Zem! recipes can be found in the
hit cookbook The Pond cooking... written
by the Newt. Please see THE POND for tips
and previews of upcoming yummies!

HOW TO MAKE ZEM! 2
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
INGREDIANTS: 1.5 CUPS OF LEVEL DESIGN. 2
TEASPOONS OF LEMMING. 1 GLASS OF PREHEATED
FUN FACTOR WITH SPRINKLES OF ORIGINALITY.

Step 1 - Stir level design and lemming
into a plastic bowl.

Step 2 - Beat with the electric mixer.
(hopefully you can afford one)

Step 3 - Let sit and begin with the hype.

Step 4 - Add in fun factor and originality
and bake for until crispy.

Step 5 - Serves lots of guests, goes along
great with replay value and expansions.
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •

The recipe for Zem! 2 is the most detailed just because "Lemmings" is more descriptive than "RPG".

Interaction
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •
Adventure Special of The Day
-------
TEEN PRIEST 2

If you are throwing a large get-together,
a fraternity dinner, or even a drunken
mosh... this is the ideal FEED ALL GUESTS
meal.

You have heard of FINGER FOOD, but this
meal takes fun with your food to a new
level! The original recipe taken from the
grave of the late Colonel Drac0, we shall
forever glorify this in times of need!

HOW TO MAKE TEEN PRIEST 2
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
INGREDIANTS: 1 WHOLE MENTALLY ILL BRAIN,
10 OUNCES OF RACISM, 1 1/2 CUPS OF RED
BLOOD, A NICE BROTH OF NASTY FETISH AND A
STOVE THAT CAN HANDLE TONS OF PROGRAMMING
AND GRAPHICS!

Step 1 - Throw the above mentioned food
into one giant pot, throw in some extra
mushrooms and marajuana plants, heat until
it explodes, serve with music and lots of
hype!
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •

And this one just makes an absolutely massive hit sound incredibly bad. Even in 1999 Draco's reputation of "the drug guy" was pretty solidified.

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Next is a late night talk show hosted by Ringworm, who just so happens to be interviewing Draco.

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It uses the same format as the cooking show with the player getting to pick and choose what they want to see and not a linear episode.

Interaction
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •
Welcome to the show, and, if I do say so
myself, we have a great one for you. Isn't
it great night here in zzt land?

(:::Flash Applause Sign:::)

Well how about the president, eh? You
know, I heard that Monica Lewinskie is a
newbie... I think that has to do with her
SUCKING so much!

(:::Flash Groaning Sign:::)

Anyway, you know what Rasconza said after
a LAME GAME  meeting... ANSI ya later!!!

(:::Wait for 1 guy in the back to stop
laughing:::)

Traffic is so bad here in ZZT land...

(:::Flash nods of agreement sign:::)

Yeah, I had a really HARD DRIVE over here
... and boy is my FLOPPY DISK tired!

(:::Flash Hyserical Laughter Sign:::)

Well... we've got a great show for you
tonight. Our good friend and zzter Drac0
is here for you! So stick around and don't
touch that dial! =)
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •

The year is 1999 and no talk show host can avoid making very dull jokes about Monica "Lewinskie". Not even ZZT is safe.

Interaction
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •
Oddjob News
--------

Lame Game Update!

Lame Game currently has 6 members and is
constantly growing! We have room for 2
more member spaces avaliable.

Send all your complaints, suggestions,
questions, comments or whatever the hell
you want to tell us.

LAMEGAME@--------.com

LAME GAME MEMBERS

Rasconza - Executive Producer
RingWorm - Executive Director
gerbil - Staff Manager
Oddjob - Creative Consultant
CalvinAdam - Master Beta
AntiViovis - Artistic Director
-=-=-=-=-

UPCOMING PROJECTS
-----

Oddjob - Terata

RingWorm - Evisceration Uroboros
Taxi Driver 1.0

Rasconza - Star Wars RPG
Omega Force Zero

CalvinAdam - Office Boy
Stasis

AntiViovis - PPDV2

gerbil - McDeath
Raumfarher

LAME GAME HQ

trap.cx/lamegame/lamegame/index.htm

Visit LAME GAME HQ on the internet and
check out the latest and the greatest!
Download cool games and read the latest
zzt world news/info on these games and
Lame Game members!

Late Late Late Night Show will be back...
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •

For something a little more tolerable, there's the latest news on ZZT company Lame Game. Notable here is the list of company members including Ringworm, Gerbil, and Viovis, all of whom contributed channels to ZZTV 3 making more than half the content being a Lame Game production. We also get a list of upcoming games! "Evisceration Uroboros" is an incredibly 1999 ZZT game name. Of the ten games listed, it would seem that only PPDV2 ever got a release. (There is a game called Omega Force 1.5, by Ringworm, which may be related to the Omega Force Zero listed here though.) Plus another vintage URL, but unfortunately not one preserved.

Interaction
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •
TOP NINE
------
TOP NINE YO MOMMA SO NASTY JOKES

9. Yo Momma so nasty, she made Speed Stick
slow down!

8. Yo Momma so nasty, she made Right Guard
turn left!

7. Yo Momma so nasty, skunks run from her!

6. Yo Momma so nasty, she went swimming
and now we have the DEAD SEA!

5. Yo Momma so nasty, she joined the four
horsemen! War, Death, Famine, Disease and
Yo Momma!

4. Yo Momma so nasty, Bigfoot tries to
take her picture!

3. Yo Momma so nasty, Ozzy Ozbourne refus-
ed to bite her head off!

2. Yo Momma so nasty, Texaco buys oil from
her!

1. Yo Momma so nasty, she has to creep up
on bath-water!
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •

I'm including these for completion. I love the primer on the four horsemen of the apocalypse for those unfamiliar. Were these ever funny to anyone? Or actually insulting?

Interaction
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •
INTERVIEW WITH A DRAC0
-----

What is your favorite zzt game?

It's difficult to say, really. I have lots
of games I could call "favorite". The gam-
es I've played most recently are tucan's
"PoP", myth's "winter" (even though I suck
at the game), "Ned the Knight" by jeremy
La'Mar... yeah, there are many more I'm
sure...

What is your favorite zzt game you made?

I would have to say Teen Priest 2. Yeah.
It got a pretty bad rap from many people,
and despite what people say, I like it
much better then the original. It's got
more replay value, it's got better jokes,
a more-progressing plot... it's a hard
decision between the first and the second
Teen Priest, but I'll say the second.

What influenced the making of your great
works?

Well, programming-wise, I'd have to say
the ever-mighty Tucan influenced me the
most. His games just had the perfect
atmosphere and feel to them that could
rarely be matched by any other game. I
tried setting a certain mood for each of
my games, and I think I did a moderately
good job at it, but I haven't quite
matched tuc's technique... yet.

Has zzt changed your life in any positive
or negative way? If so... please explain.

Positive way, of course, I suppose, yes...
It's been a really nice outlet for whatev-
er's been on my mind at the time. Without
zzt, I'd have to *gasp* get a new hobbie!

How did you decide to finally quit zzt
for good?

I basically got tired of the whole progra-
mming process. It's been over 2 years
since I began programming. About a year
and a half since I released my first game.
It's just the sort of thing where you have
to move on, plus, quitting zzt allowed
space for other activities of mine, which
include art and writing music. ( I am
getting into MOD'ubg at the moment, really
...)

What do you think your next projects will
be? (if any)

None, really! "draco" has retired, you can
say. You won't see another game under the
name draco, I can tell you that!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME!

It's been fun.
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •

But without a doubt, where digging through ZZTV worlds pays off, is in the interview segments. Here we get to see Draco's inspirations for the "trippy" genre of ZZT worlds, with Pop! and Winter specifically cited. There is of course a recurring joke that ZZTers quit the community every week, Draco actually did move on from ZZT to work on his music. After Teen Priest 2, his only releases were a compilation of his finished and incomplete projects, the bizarre Inedible Vomit (a rejection of the original game's morality that's almost entirely identical to the original), and one or two collaborative releases where others were working with existing material.

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Now for a weird mix of themed and unthemed ZZTV, the shopping network consists of Ringworm's art, but with some writing about purchasing the art as if it was being sold on one of those shopping channels.

Interaction
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •
ZZT SHOPPING NETWORK
-=-=-=-=-
     Today the ZZT SHOPPING NETWORK offers
this fabulous age-old painting discovered
in the ruins of Fort DeBaine of Paris
France.
     We believe this was painted by the
great artist, poet, sculptor, inventor,
dreamer, lover, god, etc. Ringwormardo.
If this is true, which all facts point to
it being, this painting is a priceless
work of art! Of course... we are putting
a very nice price on it! ;)

If you would like to order this painting
" The thing in the hole that eats you "
just dial our operators on standbye at
this toll free number!

1-800-1BI-GCON
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •

Each board has commentary from the hosts of the show, but like the recipes, it's far more fluff than anything insightful about the development of the pictures, if they're intended for a game, or how long they took to create. Also lots of bad jokes with the letters used in the 1-800 numbers to call.

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There's an overarching theme of violence between these pictures, so typical teenage boy stuff. Teenage boy stuff also includes the hi-larious phone number for this one.

Interaction
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •
ZZT SHOPPING NETWORK
-=-=-=-=-
     Today the ZZT SHOPPING NETWORK offers
this wonderful original copy of the pic
that appears in the IF #6 magazine. This
is the original blueprint of that amazing
piece.
     Don't you just love the contemporary
desert style? It gives a whole INDIAN -
SUMMER feeling to the mutated zzter with
tentacles coming out of his back and big
sideways fangs sprouting from his blood
dripping mouth. Get it for your kid's
birthday!

If you would like to order this painting
" Ringworm's Tentacle Bloodlust "
just dial our operators on standbye at
this toll free number!

1-800-YOU-LOSE
  •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •

This one at least reveals its origins of an issue of the ZZT magazine iFantasy... but #6 doesn't have the art in it, and neither do any other issues. It's also a rather small art section, but I supposed with the ZZTV concept still being fairly new, I can't imagine wanting to dedicate the time to creating a bunch of original pieces. Even in later issues I think far more common was to include art for then unreleased games.

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Finally, we get some actual interactivity. Not that I'm complaining, since this isn't exactly a traditional ZZT world, but The Hungry Monster is the first playable demo we've seen. Rather strangely though, this is a game credited to Gerbil. They were both in the same ZZT company, so it wouldn't seem too odd to include another member's content, but Gerbil has his own channel in this same world.

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Honestly, it's probably better as a ZZTV mini-game than something that would be all that fun for a full title. It's weird conceptual engine where you avoid being struck by falling snack food and knocked into a dinosaur-like creature's mouth.

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It's simple fun, and consists of duplicators spawning objects that walk to the south while moving erratically sideways. I won on my first attempt and from the screenshot you can see how generous the game is before the player is eaten. Throughout the stage the monster yells about being hungry or how yummy the snacks are.

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Eventually the time expires, and the player can leave. One annoyance of ZZTV channels, is that in these sort of games, you still frequently get a game over when you lose requiring the player to restart and navigate back to the channel again.

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The next demo is a lot more complex in nature and feels like the game it's for could actually be something worth playing. It's Tut's Tomb Legends, an action game about exploring ancient pyramids. This one actually got finished, and unfortunately by looking at the finished product I got to learn that "Germany Jones" is a nazi working directly for Hitler. Dang.

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I opted for Egyptian Jamal, a native to the region. The introduction mentions being able to choose attacks via a menu, but accessing it lists zero attacks, so I'm guessing it's just incomplete at this point. The characters are different in how they react to bodies, with their personalities determining if they "loot" for gems, "drain" for health, or "search" for ...fewer gems.

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These sort of ZZT dungeon crawlers were becoming an established genre in this era, with Anthony Testa (aka BlueMagus) in particular putting out a lot of games in this vein at this time period.

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Ringowrm emphasizes the combat descriptions, with each attack getting unique lines making for a surprisingly visceral experience as you violently stab and decapitate any of the wild animals in the pyramid that get in Jamal's way.

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Defeating foes gives experience, which appears unused in the demo and is perhaps how the player gets new moves.

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The pyramid of course has items to loot, from the utilitarian stripping of torches from the walls to keep your own light going, to chests filled with gold.

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There are more ways to die than snakebites as well, with traps scattered across the level. Poison darts shoot from walls and the limited vision of torches means you need some very good reflexes. You can also see a boulder that's rolled into the end of a hall as well on the edge of the lit tiles.

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After reaching the exit, I wanted to see if I had missed anything notable, and a very thorough anti-cheating mechanism instantly erased as much of the board as possible, leaving only the objects and bloody fake walls.

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The other unexplored section has a king cobra enemy which isn't all that different from the regular cobras. Enemies have lengthy death animations which can definitely slow you down if you need to wait for them to disappear in order to pass them. The demo says that it's two boards long, but the passage leads back to the main menu despite there being a second board in the file. Whether this passage error is a mistake on Ringworm or DarkFLR's part, we'll never know. Honestly this game looks kind of fun, and definitely fulfilled its purpose in making me want to play it. Perhaps we'll see it in a future article.

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Moving on to "A Newbie Toolkit" is this very cute joke where the classic toolkit, A.I.Z.I. Enhanced with ZOP is stripped of its special colors and turned into a collection of readily accessible ZZT elements. I enjoy seeing the various blends reduced, and in plenty of early ZZT Worlds you absolutely would see skies and sunsets with these natural fades. It's a good goof.

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Next is something completely reprehensible: a demo of Life Of A Player. LOAP is a parody of The Life of a Scotter, a game which turns ZZT RPG battles into something more like Monkey Island's insult sword-fighting. LOAP however, takes the fun back-and-forth insults and instead turns it into manipulating women to keep them from breaking up with you once they realize they're being cheated on or taken advantage of in some other way! A M A Z I N G

CONTENT WARNING

The following content contains material which may be offensive to some audiences. It was most likely originally created by a teenager who has since grown up. This material does not necessarily reflect its creator's current opinions nor behaviors.

Specifically, this page contains depictions of or references to:
Sexism, Misogyny

Hide all future content warnings | Hide this | Jump past warned content
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It goes on and on like this, including a part where the correct answer is to claim this other girl took advantage of you while you were drunk. Awesome. Great.

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It is without a doubt the worst thing I have ever seen in ZZT. There have been some gross scenes before, but I suppose with the number of people out there who actually do approach relationships this way, this one feels skeevy rather than ignorant like most juvenile male power fantasies of romantic interactions with women we've seen before. Also the full game got released and has a sequel. And now to never speak of this ZZTV channel again.

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If you want experimental, Viovis is your man. #TUS, which stands for "The Unknown Stuff" is up next and is full of weird pieces that wouldn't really fit into a standard ZZT game.

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The menu offers a list of all the passages with explanations as to what they contain. I'm just going to go through them in order.

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I particularly like this art board because it's Viovis doing his thing in 1999. You can see this sort of style more developed in later releases like Pacifying Fall and Life, but here the colors are more uniform and less chaotic. Whether this is because it's older work and Viovis grew into the more wild designs or simply because this is from 1999 and had to be done without an external editor is unknown.

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