NextGame 33By: Madguy
Published Under: MadGames
Released: May 05, 1999
Download | Play Online | View Files
When we last left off, we had just finished the first path of MadGuy's comedy-adventure, NextGame 33, that I just couldn't get into.
We've got an entirely alternate version of the game to see though! The second scenario is the only other completed path, and while its story is a complete departure from the previous, it's not really going to be any different as far as humor goes.
Just as before, the game will start on the shared jail board where a young Matt Ape is currently serving multiple life sentences for stealing food for his family. This time, things aren't going to go quite the same.
Look under bed. Take cup. Rattle bars.
This time however, while the guard is still walking towards the bathroom door, rather then politely wait, Matt strikes!
Matt struck hard, knocking Phil Fathead unconscious and taking his uniform. Now he can access more of the prison and find an escape route. The left elevator can't be taken, but there's still the one on the right.
It's really tough to tell, but this is a closeup of Matt's leg and foot in the next room.
It's time for another one of these hyperlink puzzles.
Your attempt to grope around and find
something interesting proves futile. All
you find are some rare baseball cards and
a Rolex watch. What a waste of time!
• • • • • • • • •
Great, just great. Now you have some
broken glass sticking out of your foot.
It's about as painful as sitting through
Madonna's last CD on a car trip (believe
me, I know).
• • • • • • • • •
The wrong choices offer us the usual humor. I'm kind of surprised the last scenario doesn't have anything like getting into the surgeon's vault full of money and somehow only taking a penny with how often "find something valuable/useful. Ignore it" comes up.
You can't eat the matches, but you can light one. The narrator is quick to do that thing where by saying the cliché that is about to happen is in fact cliché, it will be more acceptable.
The prison building is destroyed from the powder room explosion. It's actually a really well done animation! So far, I like this path better since it has far less being chased by a guard.
Ohhhhh now I get it. This board, and the previous one that said "MadGuy's Reign of Terror" are title cards for the paths the player is on. It's difficult to make that connection with the first story when at that point the only thing you know about MadGuy is that it's the name of the game's author.
So welcome, to "SOS, Please!"
Matt awakens in a dirty alley somewhere, and injured! Thirty health is taken away from the player due to the rough landing. The player's health won't matter until the very end of the scenario. There's somebody nearby to talk to, and their conversation will activate once the player is aligned with them.
The guardian angel does some
#char commands to
change appearance a few times.
ANGEL: Uh, no. It's not a human thing.
ANGEL: No, the purpose of my existence is
to watch over you. All the time. It's
pretty sad, if you think about it.
ANGEL: No. Would you like to know what
you're doing in a dark, smelly alley?
ANGEL: After the explosion, you were the
only survivor in the entire jail.
ANGEL: Anyhoo, when I found you on the
ground, your head had a large bump on it.
Not bad, considering everyone else's limbs
were undoubtedly blown off. Their hearts
torn apart. Their scalps lifted of all
ANGEL: On with the story! I brought you
here, and you've been in a coma for three
years. It's been a pretty boring three
years for me...
ANGEL: Well... alright. But if God finds
out, he'll send me to Hell!
ANGEL: There are answers to those
questions, but not enough willpower in me
to say them. Ciao, I'm off to Rome for
Matt was the sole survivor of the explosion, and it left him in a coma for three years where he was kept alive thanks to his guardian. But now he's finally back!
Yet another example of "this is a good thing, but Matt ignores it".
So the first scenario was a revisiting of MadGuy's past works while exploring some weird farms and desert. The setting for the second scenario?
A parody of James Cameron's 1997 film Titanic. Strap in.
Between this and Teen Priest's throwing a person out the window, I am beginning to discover that I am easily amused by ZZT slapstick. Matt now has a ticket to board the Dietanic!
His ticket is not for first class cabins however.
This guy's clothes are significantly more
ratty looking than the other ticket
taker's. In fact, a rat is gnawing on his
head right now.
TICKETEER: Tickets? TIIIICKEEETSSSS!
TICKETEER: Tickets for the DIETANIC, of
TICKETEER: The largest ship in the world?
TICKETEER: Have you been asleep for the
past three years, or something?!
TICKETEER: No ticket, no ride, capisce?
TICKETEER: Then hand it over and ease on
up the gangplank!
Sorry, but I must take the ticket!
Ker-sploosh em' all.
Matt boards the ship, ticket still in hand, and begins his new quest to find a cute girl who meets his beauty standards of regularly shaving her legs.
There's no indication as to which room is supposed to be Matt's here so the player has to try each door and get a message about the room being incorrect until he stumbles across it. Fortunately as long as the player is exploring them from bottom up, it's at most the fourth door they'll examine.
His room is pretty darn tiny, and he even has a gross new roommate!
Matt's roommate, is an Italian man who is fortunately quick to drop the accent. Matt quickly begins getting some information out of him.
Digging on South Park's jokes in 1999!
Flabrizio's joke book is something Matt will need to trade for eventually in order to advance the plot.
Flabrizio had a tragic past.
Back in the hallway Matt can speak to a few passengers but there's not really much there as far as leads to finding a cute girl goes.
The right side of the hallway is blocked off by this object here standing guard, as well as another one repeatedly ramming into a yellow object that's supposed to be stuck.
The theme of this scenario is accents. With the hall closed off Matt has only one way to proceed.
The upper level holds the suites for the first class passengers. Matt refuses to knock on the rich peoples' doors and run lest he be caught and thrown overboard.
The guards at the bottom of the screen are there to keep the poors like Matt out of the fancy dining hall. I thought that was the end of it before noticing the dark purple on dark red smiley towards the top left. There's our cute girl.
Okay, well, maybe she's not the most physically attractive woman on the ship, but she will be Matt's new love interest despite her habit of running away from him while screaming.
Above is the main deck of the ship with a lookout post and some stairs to the boiler room. The mysterious woman has run to the edge of the ship and considers jumping.
Matt doesn't really take much of an interest in her, but she seems to ignore this and threatens suicide if Matt can't give her a good reason to not take her life. Is it time for another hyperlink puzzle?
Nope. Nose, (get it because the girl in the film Titanic was named Rose) has the exact same reaction regardless of what choice is picked. The joke is that she doesn't really listen.
NOSE: And you're probably the third best-
looking ape I've ever met!
NOSE: Well, the movies must be wrong,
because I'm getting married after this
boat gets to Iraq!
NOSE: My fiancee's name is Jock Blow!
He's from Iraq himself, and he once beat
Saddam Hussein in the 50 yard dash!
Remembering an old trick you learned from
your grandpappy, you pull your eyeball
out and stick it in your nose. A few very
uncomfortable seconds later, it pops into
the socket once again.
• • • • • • • • •
Lots of info here. The ship is heading to Iraq, Nose is getting married, and Matt can pop out his eyeball.
Nose handles it as best as she can.
After she runs off, Matt can now check out the engine room!
The engine room is filled with lava whose levels have to be carefully maintained so as to not kill everybody. There's a foreman who angrily tells Matt he shouldn't be here, and some other random workers who don't really say much, but up top is somebody of interest.
Matt receives $9000 as a bribe to not tell anybody about the planned murder.
He's not the only person of note here. There's another worker reading a very important book.
There's the copy of Cow-Tipping for Dummies that Flabrizio was looking for. In a very surprising twist, Matt can't ker-sploosh him into the lava and needs to find a less violent solution.
Beneath the engine room is the ship's brig, containing some more WT2 lamps. Bill Clinton is here. I guess as a callback to the last scenario? Or maybe Bill Clinton being in jail was a funny joke in the late 90s. Probably both.
But it's the last inmate that's important.
JAILBIRD: Hey you!
Uh oh, a prisoner seems to be talking to
you! He looks like the type of guy who
would throw his own grandmother off a
motorcycle, so you'd better be careful,
or he might squeeze your head off! It
looks like he even smashed that lamp in
his room during a fit of rage and vulgar
JAILBIRD: If you want to make it up to me,
could ya get me some decent food? NOW?!
#if food then gimme
JAILBIRD: That's alright. I'll just go
Deep down inside your heart, you feel a
strong sense of guilt, as well as all that
bacon you ate as a child. You must help
• • • • • • • • •
He demands some better food, and Matt feels sorry enough for him that he's willing to help. With no access to the dining hall that may be a challenge.
The brig's other exit takes Matt back to the second class cabin level from the other side.
Oh. Puzzle solved.
Matt delivers the ham, and in exchange gets the jailbird's original meal of some life jackets. These might come in handy.
The only place left on the ship to explore right now is the stern where there are a few people to talk to who seem to have no real purpose here.
There's a little girl Matt can be a piece of shit to if he wants. Continuing to be a jerk causes her to cry and run away.
Apologizing causes a flag to be set that you were nice to her, but I don't think the flag is used anywhere. Either way she disappears and is never seen again.
There's a lion who sure loves napping and lasagna!
And a father/daughter who are both slaves sailing towards freedom (until you point out that they're sailing to Iraq and he realizes they're on the wrong boat).
Back on the lower deck one of the guards explains that Matt's been invited to dinner with Nose. Then he dies.